This is the kind of movie where the title is said in the first ten minutes. If that doesn't tell you what you're getting into, you're about to get an education...the hard way. I'm sorry, that was bad. I apologize. While on a mission in Romania, John Payne's brother gets killed. Payne (played by Michael … Continue reading The Hard Way (2019)
Always remember, no matter how tough life can be, there isn't any kind of problem, big or small, that can't be helped by sending in a CIA hit team to kidnap someone's kid. Seriously, I use them to handle my grocery shopping. Major Vic Davis is a special forces super soldier and not the best … Continue reading The 2nd (2020)
It really can't be a good sign if the movie poster has to reference a much better film to try and drum up an audience. No, this film has absolutely nothing to do with The Last House on the Left. In fact, the only real connection is being distributed by American International Pictures, and while … Continue reading Don’t Look in the Basement (1973)
I was never in a band growing up, but if I had been, I probably wouldn't have found a weird monster to drive me around in a van. But if I had, I definitely would have written a song about it. Uncle Peckerhead is the tale of one such band, joyfully named Duh, that does … Continue reading Uncle Peckerhead (2020)
In the future, we'll still have carrots, tanks will be able to talk to us about baseball, and humanity will have collectively run out of good ideas for element names. Gunhed is a weird, messy movie, but it's one I highly enjoyed for all its quirks and bizarre problems. I should give some personal background … Continue reading Gunhed (1989)
Mel Brooks once told Jerry Seinfeld some years ago that he liked to eat dinner with Carl Reiner once a week and watch what he called “secure the perimeter movies,” meaning the kind of movies where at some point someone would utter the line “Secure the perimeter.” Two of the greatest comedic minds of all … Continue reading American Assassin (2017)
We're back in made-for-tv land here, folks! However, this time it's not the likes of horror films like Killdozer or Gargoyles; instead, I'm bringing you into TV action movie territory with HBO's first film ever made for the small screen: The Park Is Mine. Starring a surprisingly talented cast and taking place in New York … Continue reading The Park Is Mine (1986)
It is the future. Solar flares have led to environmental catastrophe. A once proud America is now a mixture of totalitarian states, gang territories, and warlord fiefdoms. With everyone scrounging for the scraps, who are the few good people left to rely on? A woman with a bare face runs through darkened streets and alleys, … Continue reading Karate Cop (1991)
For some reason I spent years getting this movie confused with Lake Placid, so I kept wondering when the killer alligator would show up. No such luck, this is a ghost story, through and through. Lake Mungo is a mockumentary, though I have some trouble with that term. The term 'mockumentary' has always made me think of … Continue reading Lake Mungo (2008)
This movie is not to be confused with the never released Grizzly II. It may seem strange that the two get compared, but Day of the Animals and Grizzly both featured much of the same crew, including the same director and producer, as well as both actors Christopher George and Richard Jaeckel. Only instead of fighting a single giant bear … Continue reading Day of the Animals (1977)
