If you're hoping to actually see dinosaurs in this movie, then I have to apologize now. Dinosaur tracks? Yes. Dinosaur bones? Sure. But actual dinosaurs? God no. A paleontologist, his attractive daughter, and an American adventure seeker/archaeologist/two-fisted tough guy decide to make an illegal flight to the dinosaur valley, a protected area of the Amazon … Continue reading Massacre in Dinosaur Valley (1985)
Take a bunch of mad scientist vampires, a rural hospital, a bunch of horny college students, a lake, two mechanics as dumb as they are evil, and a whole bunch of sex, and you get Evils of the Night, a movie that features many spectacular actors and that I guarantee they never put on their … Continue reading Evils of the Night (1985)
Actress Katt Shea lost a bet once, and her husband made her visit a strip club. Once she was there, she discovered that not only were the performers talented, they were both phenomenal dancers and artists putting on an erotic stage show, and she decided then and there that she was going to find a … Continue reading Stripped to Kill (1987)
A college student named Billy Batson dies in a traffic accident. His uncle's ghost shows up to take him to Heaven, but he's way more preoccupied with getting laid, so he tries to go back to wooing the lady he couldn't make it with. Hijinks ensue. That's the movie, folks. It's over, go home. If … Continue reading School Spirit (1985)
Women do, in fact, rule. Sometimes this movie is called Phoenix the Warrior. Either way, it's a post-apocalyptic film about dirty women in what amounts to fur bikinis and bondage gear getting into badly choreographed fights and gun battles over the only man alive. Because even in a world populated only by women, we still … Continue reading She-Wolves of the Wasteland (1988)
Ever wonder what a sword-and-sandal reboot of Black Mama White Mama would look like if it were a pseudo-sequel to Spartacus? No? Well, too bad, because now we're gonna talk about The Arena, a film where Americans and Italians show an incredibly attractive black woman from Africa and an incredibly attractive white woman from France … Continue reading The Arena (1974)
If you're wondering if this movie is as bad as that poster makes it seem...yes. Yes, it is. In the 1980s, an evil cult run by an immortal Satanist seeks a magic jewel that contains immense power from an undreamed of age. They also like to hold private parties for teams of buxom women to … Continue reading The Lost Empire (1984)
Ok, 1982 happens. Conan the Barbarian comes out, and to everyone's amazement, it's a hit. Folks immediately move to cash in, and bam, the Sword and Sorcery fantasy subgenre moves into the exploitation sphere that had been inhabited by the likes of Italian Sword and Sandal movies two decades before. Sorceress sounds like something a … Continue reading Sorceress (1982)
Movie Reviews by a Mook 