Let me just read you a few names from the cast list: Michael Fassbender, Charlotte Gainsbourg, J. K. Simmons, Toby Jones, Chloë Sevigny, James D'Arcy, and Val Kilmer. Sure, some of these folks have made some questionable movies, but to put it mildly, it's amazing that they're all a part of this massive train wreck … Continue reading The Snowman (2017)
Ladies and gentlemen, today is the first day of the 2019 Cannes Film Festival, so I thought I'd celebrate by talking about a very particular horror movie filmed guerrilla style around the festival. Is it exploitative? Yes? Is it sleazy? Hell yes. Am I pandering? Of course. You should have figured out by now that … Continue reading The Last Horror Film (1982)
Molly's father was a sea captain. He built little ships, he had a tattoo, and sometimes he would read The Little Mermaid to Molly. He was also a mean drunk that would do terrible things to his daughter. Terrible, horrible things. The Witch Who Came from the Sea is the story of Molly, a woman … Continue reading The Witch Who Came from the Sea (1976)
Kevin Costner is in this movie as a main character, but he wasn't even listed in the credits. Seriously, he's completely left out. They remembered Ambulance Driver #1 but not him. Shadows Run Black is a "crime thriller" which is really just a slasher film that doesn't want to admit it's a slasher film. It's … Continue reading Shadows Run Black (1984)
Since I've seen the original film that this pulls from, I decided it was time to get around to watching the 2014 The Town That Dreaded Sundown. Now I understand why people say it's not really a remake, not really a sequel, but more a hybrid update. As a fan of the original film, I … Continue reading The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014)
Yeah, this is another of those movies with an alternate title, going from Aerobicide to Killer Workout. And oh man, this movie has more cheese than a deep dish pizza. People are getting killed in a gym by a murderer armed with a large safety pin. Det. Lt. Morgan, a tough mullet cop with a … Continue reading Killer Workout (1987)
Rob Zombie likes gore, vulgarity, and violence as spectacle, and 31 is pretty much exactly that with his usual psycho redneck types. Also it's set in the 1970s, which is something else he loves. In short, 31 is basically a stereotype of Rob Zombie movies. Basically a group of carnies get kidnapped and forced to … Continue reading 31 (2016)
The original The Exorcist is considered a classic of American horror cinema. Exorcist II: The Heretic movie was a bizarre acid trip involving psychics and locust plagues that just doesn't work. But The Exorcist III brings in George C. Scott as a homicide detective to investigate the possible ghost of a serial killer, and along … Continue reading The Exorcist III (1990)
A serial killer named Jack Frost is captured accidentally by a small town sheriff. He swears revenge before being sent off to be executed, but a tragic traffic accident results in his being exposed to a chemical which causes his body to meld with snow. As a result, he becomes a killer snowman, and he … Continue reading Jack Frost (1997)
It's Halloween, the most wonderful time of the year. A 9-year-old boy named Dougie who hasn't yet figured out his incest fetish is happily awaiting the arrival of his hot college coed sister. He's also addicted to a game made with what was at the time Macromedia Flash that involves a kid helping torture, maim, … Continue reading Satan’s Little Helper (2004)
