It is the future. Solar flares have led to environmental catastrophe. A once proud America is now a mixture of totalitarian states, gang territories, and warlord fiefdoms. With everyone scrounging for the scraps, who are the few good people left to rely on? A woman with a bare face runs through darkened streets and alleys, … Continue reading Karate Cop (1991)
I love when a movie poster is totally wrong. There are no giant ants, the earth is not turned into a cemetery, the shiny dome does not catch on fire, and ants do not climb out of a bloody hole in a person's hand. The hole isn't bloody when they do that. Yeah, it's a … Continue reading Phase IV (1974)
In 1969, America went to the moon. To top us, the British made a movie about aliens on the moon coming to us in 1967. I'm still thinking we got the better end of the bargain here, but I don't blame the UK for trying! Meteors fall in formation in a field in the English … Continue reading They Came from Beyond Space (1967)
Back to recently released, high-budget B-movies that somehow got the A-movie treatment. It's a film about giant robots fighting giant monsters. What could possibly go wrong? Ten years after the last major battle of the first Pacific Rim movie, Jake Pentacost makes his living robbing stuff from busted Jaegers, giant mechs with double names that … Continue reading Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018)
Right now, you're probably asking why I'd bother reviewing something that made a ridiculous amount of money, featured a AAA budget, and got the major production treatment. It's simple: The Meg has a B-movie heart in an A-movie shell, it stars a variety of actors whose credits include the kind of things I'd happily put … Continue reading The Meg (2018)
Yet another example of an awesome movie poster (if not also totally ridiculous) that doesn't actually represent what the movie is about in any way...well, outside of that costume. She really does wear that, except for whatever the weird armor shoulder pad and fur cape is. Also, there are no futuristic guns in this, folks … Continue reading Battle Queen 2020 (2001)
There are more guns on that poster than there are in the movie. Also, most of the characters don't dress like that, though the hair is actually pretty accurate. The boots are way off though. In general, that poster conveys a lot more action than actually happens in Vicious Lips. A futuristic New Wave generic … Continue reading Vicious Lips (1986)
In the future, Earth sucks, so humans grow food throughout the solar system. Somehow, Kirk Douglas and Farrah Fawcett have ended up a couple working on one of these hydroponics stations on Saturn's third moon, and Harvey Keitel is a crazy astronaut who effectively works as a delivery guy and installation tech. He's basically the … Continue reading Saturn 3 (1980)
Serious question: why does the super-powerful Mandroid need breathing tubes? It doesn't breathe. What is the point of those tubes? Eastern Europe, 1993. The Cold War has ended, and tons of technology and military hardware is now up for grabs to the highest bidder. Dr. Karl Zimmer happens to be a scientist with a new … Continue reading Mandroid (1993)
Take a bunch of mad scientist vampires, a rural hospital, a bunch of horny college students, a lake, two mechanics as dumb as they are evil, and a whole bunch of sex, and you get Evils of the Night, a movie that features many spectacular actors and that I guarantee they never put on their … Continue reading Evils of the Night (1985)
