I love action movies with completely nonsensical, ridiculous plots that exist purely to put some completely miscast action star directly in the path of danger, possibly alongside an equally miscast comedian in a sidekick role. Lo and behold, here's exactly what I want in a film: Knock Off. Jean-Claude Van Damme is a member of … Continue reading Knock Off (1998)
Physical disability tends to boil into two camps in B-grade or exploitation film: it's there to engender sympathy in the audience, or it's there to provide some kind of handicap for a protagonist to overcome in some way. For example, a movie like Savage Streets features a deaf character, whose purpose is to be brutally … Continue reading Blind Fury (1989)
This is the kind of movie where the title is said in the first ten minutes. If that doesn't tell you what you're getting into, you're about to get an education...the hard way. I'm sorry, that was bad. I apologize. While on a mission in Romania, John Payne's brother gets killed. Payne (played by Michael … Continue reading The Hard Way (2019)
Mel Brooks once told Jerry Seinfeld some years ago that he liked to eat dinner with Carl Reiner once a week and watch what he called “secure the perimeter movies,” meaning the kind of movies where at some point someone would utter the line “Secure the perimeter.” Two of the greatest comedic minds of all … Continue reading American Assassin (2017)
Let's be honest. If you looked that good sitting on a motorcycle while wearing shades with a bunch of Japanese signs behind you, you'd probably pose like this too. Michael Douglas knows. Shoot, he's probably somewhere doing this right now. Damn right, he is. Nick Conklin is a New York City cop on the edge. … Continue reading Black Rain (1989)
You may be asking why I started with "Part II" of this saga. Well, that's because there is no saga. The Executioner, Part II is the only Executioner movie; there is no Part I. Yeah, it's gonna be one of those kinds of movie reviews. Los Angeles, 1980s. Crime runs rampant in the streets. The … Continue reading The Executioner, Part II (1984)
I have a personal rule: don't fuck with voodoo. This movie is a perfect example of why. Sugar Hill's boyfriend owns a successful club, but the local Houston mob want it, so they murder him. Since Sugar desires revenge, she reaches out to Mama Maitresse, a voodoo priestess who manages to summon up Baron Samedi. … Continue reading Sugar Hill (1974)
Years ago I caught part of this flick on television. The scene involves our heroine, Kelly, discovering that her pizza has a face right before it attacks her. This was forever burned into my brain apparently, because when I encountered that scene again on YouTube a few months ago, I immediately recalled it and decided … Continue reading House IV (1992)
This movie is about a bunch of poorly-dubbed European actors who get together to rip off an armored car service as an act of revenge for a guy's brother. Unfortunately, they don't realize that they're also ripping off La Cosa Nostra, who happen to be involved in the armored car business, while the US Treasury … Continue reading They Came to Rob Las Vegas (1968)
Straight out of the Philippines in an attempt to look like Vietnam come the most anticipated First Blood wannabe knock-off of 1983 that nobody knew about: Fireback! Richard Harrison, possibly the greatest of the 1980s white dude movie ninjas, is a weapons expert who gets captured along with his latest super weapon by the Vietnamese … Continue reading Fireback (1983)
