Mel Brooks once told Jerry Seinfeld some years ago that he liked to eat dinner with Carl Reiner once a week and watch what he called “secure the perimeter movies,” meaning the kind of movies where at some point someone would utter the line “Secure the perimeter.” Two of the greatest comedic minds of all … Continue reading American Assassin (2017)
If you read the title and immediately asked whether there is a cat in this giallo, I'm happy to inform you that yes, there is indeed a cat. Often times gialli have animals referenced in their titles but don't actually use them; that's not the case here. There's a cat walking around, and guess how … Continue reading Seven Deaths in the Cat’s Eye (1973)
Do you like movies where a super helpful narrator tells you exactly what you're seeing on screen, despite you not actually needing any of his help to understand the ridiculous plot? No? Too bad, because you're getting it here. Italy, 2000 years after the destruction of Pompeii by the volcano Mount Vesuvius. A worker digs … Continue reading Curse of the Faceless Man (1958)
Cool poster. Terrible movie. First off, I don't think the main character actually ends up called Gunan. Instead, it sounds like everyone is talking about his name being Zukahn or Zhukan or something beginning with a 'Z'. Second, he doesn't end up the king of anything. He kills a guy that's a warlord, but there … Continue reading Gunan, King of the Barbarians (1982)
It surprises me both in what that movie poster gets wrong about this film as well as what it gets right. The creature does kind of look that way, except half his face is mangled. The dude in the foreground attacking a lady doesn't happen. And Joseph Cotton's name is on there, which is fantastic. … Continue reading Lady Frankenstein (1971)
Yeah, that title is unusual. Does it make you more or less interested in watching this late 1960s giallo? As awkward as it is, it does actually fit the plot. Italy, the late-1960s. Italians aren't eating enough chicken, so one clever agrarian who is a member of a consortium of the infamous chicken farming business … Continue reading Death Laid an Egg (1968)
Italian horror movies from the 1980s were often a clusterfuck of what-the-fuck plot points and nightmare-inducing hallucinations. The Church is a perfect example; it's not gory the way many of its contemporaries are, but it's freaking bizarre. Scenes feel out of place, connections in time are tenuous, and good luck figuring out what is real … Continue reading The Church (1989)
I love a good nunsploitation movie. There's something sexy about the corruption of the most pious, most likely in sexy ways. However, The Other Hell shows this corruption and implies sexuality without ever going into the openly graphic nature of much of its extreme subgenre. It's not a good movie; this is a Bruno Mattei … Continue reading The Other Hell (1981)
Ever wonder what a sword-and-sandal reboot of Black Mama White Mama would look like if it were a pseudo-sequel to Spartacus? No? Well, too bad, because now we're gonna talk about The Arena, a film where Americans and Italians show an incredibly attractive black woman from Africa and an incredibly attractive white woman from France … Continue reading The Arena (1974)
I am an enormous fan of the bizarre and gory films of Lucio Fulci. To say his work is twisted is to seriously underrate just how strange and avant garde his films could be. They are often incoherent, with a dreamlike haze that quickly turns into nightmares. Unfortunately, 1991's Voices from Beyond was one of … Continue reading Voices from Beyond (1991)
Movie Reviews by a Mook 