I can confirm that Tom Selleck's mustache is great no matter the year, no matter the genre. You can practically feel the machismo oozing off of his upper lip's grizzled fur baby. If you learn nothing else today, know that your face will never look as cool as his befollicled nasal undercarriage. And for that, … Continue reading Runaway (1984)
It's a 1980s movie with 1980s music set in 1950s style in which a surprisingly liberal army recruits women, the cops openly ask for bribes, and racism is still a thing. Also...leather overalls are a thing. This is what director Walter Hill dreamed about as a kid. He must have had an interesting childhood. Fantastic … Continue reading Streets of Fire (1984)
Murder. Corruption. Adultery. Bribery. This movie is pretty much about how I spend my Thursdays. Harrison Ford plays Rusty Sabich, a prosecutor in the District Attorney's office of an unnamed American city in Kindle County. Rusty's a tough prosecutor but also an idealist who remains loyal to his boss despite losing ground in the ongoing … Continue reading Presumed Innocent (1990)
Alien parasitic plagues in a grocery store? Why that could never happen in America! Except for, you know, COVID and all that. You know what, suddenly this movie is feeling like it thinks we're smarter than we are... In a small town in the middle of nowhere, a team of heavily armed criminals arrive at … Continue reading Alien Raiders (2008)
This time, the movie poster definitely captures some of what happens, like vehicle explosions. For a mix of hixploitation and revenge cinema set in the woods, there are a surprising number of cars and trucks that get blown up. Yet there is only one rainstorm and no lightning, so I feel a little let down. … Continue reading Blastfighter (1984)
I watch a lot of movies with outrageous posters, but that is actually Nicole Eggert's costume in the film, down to the cowcatcher face mask she sports when kicking butt. Why does she wear a train grill as a mouth guard? I have no idea. It's explained to be some kind of two-way radio, but … Continue reading The Demolitionist (1995)
I really have to hand it to the artist, that movie poster is so much better than the actual film. I mean, I think I can finger a detail or two in there which isn't in the film itself, but with so much going on, I bet you can put your thumb on it too. … Continue reading Demonoid (1981)
We're back in made-for-tv land here, folks! However, this time it's not the likes of horror films like Killdozer or Gargoyles; instead, I'm bringing you into TV action movie territory with HBO's first film ever made for the small screen: The Park Is Mine. Starring a surprisingly talented cast and taking place in New York … Continue reading The Park Is Mine (1986)
It is the future. Solar flares have led to environmental catastrophe. A once proud America is now a mixture of totalitarian states, gang territories, and warlord fiefdoms. With everyone scrounging for the scraps, who are the few good people left to rely on? A woman with a bare face runs through darkened streets and alleys, … Continue reading Karate Cop (1991)
No, Lon Chaney Jr. was not in this movie. I know that's his kind of makeup in that terrible poster, but the actual werewolf is pretty much just a guy with a beard and black paint on his nose. Yeah, it's gonna be one of those kinds of movies. Two farmers discover the mauled body … Continue reading Moon of the Wolf (1972)
