In the post-apocalyptic future, zombies roam the Earth, Japanese women are either scantily clad bad asses or barely able to function with seemingly no in-between state, and there is still plenty of blond hair dye to keep your style sense fresh. All because a corporate scientist really wanted to play God. Thanks, science! Aya is … Continue reading OneChanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers (2008)
Every time I hear the title of this film, I think of Evil Dead. I just can't help myself. It immediately turns into a chorus of “Dead by dawn, dead by dawn!” And then it turns into a chorus of bloody violence. Though now having seen it, that's no longer Evil Dead violence. Oh no, … Continue reading Deadbeat at Dawn (1988)
This time, the movie poster definitely captures some of what happens, like vehicle explosions. For a mix of hixploitation and revenge cinema set in the woods, there are a surprising number of cars and trucks that get blown up. Yet there is only one rainstorm and no lightning, so I feel a little let down. … Continue reading Blastfighter (1984)
I watch a lot of movies with outrageous posters, but that is actually Nicole Eggert's costume in the film, down to the cowcatcher face mask she sports when kicking butt. Why does she wear a train grill as a mouth guard? I have no idea. It's explained to be some kind of two-way radio, but … Continue reading The Demolitionist (1995)
A tower. A ridiculously massive sniper rifle. A couple of folks with a history who dislike and yet obviously lust after each other. A couple of unusual security guards. A stoic Dolph Lundgren. Silent Trigger is the kind of borderline action thriller that is cheap, occasionally sleazy, and somehow tries to be philosophical and end … Continue reading Silent Trigger (1996)
This is the kind of movie where the title is said in the first ten minutes. If that doesn't tell you what you're getting into, you're about to get an education...the hard way. I'm sorry, that was bad. I apologize. While on a mission in Romania, John Payne's brother gets killed. Payne (played by Michael … Continue reading The Hard Way (2019)
Always remember, no matter how tough life can be, there isn't any kind of problem, big or small, that can't be helped by sending in a CIA hit team to kidnap someone's kid. Seriously, I use them to handle my grocery shopping. Major Vic Davis is a special forces super soldier and not the best … Continue reading The 2nd (2020)
In the future, we'll still have carrots, tanks will be able to talk to us about baseball, and humanity will have collectively run out of good ideas for element names. Gunhed is a weird, messy movie, but it's one I highly enjoyed for all its quirks and bizarre problems. I should give some personal background … Continue reading Gunhed (1989)
Mel Brooks once told Jerry Seinfeld some years ago that he liked to eat dinner with Carl Reiner once a week and watch what he called “secure the perimeter movies,” meaning the kind of movies where at some point someone would utter the line “Secure the perimeter.” Two of the greatest comedic minds of all … Continue reading American Assassin (2017)
We're back in made-for-tv land here, folks! However, this time it's not the likes of horror films like Killdozer or Gargoyles; instead, I'm bringing you into TV action movie territory with HBO's first film ever made for the small screen: The Park Is Mine. Starring a surprisingly talented cast and taking place in New York … Continue reading The Park Is Mine (1986)
