Hey folks, it's been a while. I took a break from here for a few months to allow myself to recharge. I know, you wanted your cheap and exploitative fix, and I wasn't here providing the sugar. I'm sorry. I was busy getting married. Anyway, I have a tradition every October of watching 31 horror … Continue reading Mulberry Street (2006)
Yeah, we're going with another Weird Western, this time a fusion of horror and cowboy cinema which points out the terrifying trouble with western expansion, not just in terms of the racism but also the after effects of the ecological devastation that mass migration into unclaimed wilderness can bring. Also, there are monsters that puke. … Continue reading The Burrowers (2008)
Yet another example of an awesome movie poster (if not also totally ridiculous) that doesn't actually represent what the movie is about in any way...well, outside of that costume. She really does wear that, except for whatever the weird armor shoulder pad and fur cape is. Also, there are no futuristic guns in this, folks … Continue reading Battle Queen 2020 (2001)
If you own a failing farm, and you find a secret room in your barn with a scarecrow stuffed away inside, and your kid then claims it's evil, do you put it up? Fuck no! You burn that bitch to the ground, salt the freaking earth, and move to the next God damn county, because … Continue reading Messengers 2: The Scarecrow (2009)
Unlike The Exterminator, Part II, this movie does have a sequel. However, Octopus and Octopus 2: River of Fear are radically different in nearly every aspect save for the fact that they both have a giant killer octopus. Oh, and water, but I figured that was a given. Aquatic New York Police Department master diver … Continue reading Octopus 2: River of Fear (2001)
I know this is supposed to be located somewhere in Mexico, but it was filmed in Australia, and that makes total sense. The plant life in Australia is terrifying. The insect life in Australia is terrifying. The animal life in Australia is terrifying. Seriously, it's an entire continent of beautiful beaches and ecological nightmares. So … Continue reading The Ruins (2008)
Hey look, it's Rear Window meets Boggy Creek! Abominable is the story of Preston Rogers, a paraplegic confined to a wheelchair after a terrible climbing accident that killed his wife. You know, like in Cliffhanger or something. Maybe you shouldn't have tried climbing something called Suicide Rock, but what do I know? I'm not big … Continue reading Abominable (2006)
Before I begin, please understand that this was a made-for-TV movie. Sometimes those are gems, like Killdozer. Other times they can be laughably bad, like Gargoyles. Unfortunately, Larva sits somewhere in the middle, well within the realm of almost completely forgettable. In Larva, a new vet to the poorly named Host, Missouri, discovers a new … Continue reading Larva (2005)
It's Halloween, the most wonderful time of the year. A 9-year-old boy named Dougie who hasn't yet figured out his incest fetish is happily awaiting the arrival of his hot college coed sister. He's also addicted to a game made with what was at the time Macromedia Flash that involves a kid helping torture, maim, … Continue reading Satan’s Little Helper (2004)
Oh man, it's a werewolf with a 'tude! ...yeah, I'm sorry, I won't say anything like that again. That was just bad. Anyway, Big Bad Wolf is a werewolf movie, if you couldn't tell. A bunch of young college students head out to a cabin. We've got your stereotypical Frat Brother #267 and Frat Brother … Continue reading Big Bad Wolf (2006)
