In the post-apocalyptic future, zombies roam the Earth, Japanese women are either scantily clad bad asses or barely able to function with seemingly no in-between state, and there is still plenty of blond hair dye to keep your style sense fresh. All because a corporate scientist really wanted to play God. Thanks, science! Aya is … Continue reading OneChanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers (2008)
Alien parasitic plagues in a grocery store? Why that could never happen in America! Except for, you know, COVID and all that. You know what, suddenly this movie is feeling like it thinks we're smarter than we are... In a small town in the middle of nowhere, a team of heavily armed criminals arrive at … Continue reading Alien Raiders (2008)
For some reason I spent years getting this movie confused with Lake Placid, so I kept wondering when the killer alligator would show up. No such luck, this is a ghost story, through and through. Lake Mungo is a mockumentary, though I have some trouble with that term. The term 'mockumentary' has always made me think of … Continue reading Lake Mungo (2008)
Hey folks, it's been a while. I took a break from here for a few months to allow myself to recharge. I know, you wanted your cheap and exploitative fix, and I wasn't here providing the sugar. I'm sorry. I was busy getting married. Anyway, I have a tradition every October of watching 31 horror … Continue reading Mulberry Street (2006)
Yeah, we're going with another Weird Western, this time a fusion of horror and cowboy cinema which points out the terrifying trouble with western expansion, not just in terms of the racism but also the after effects of the ecological devastation that mass migration into unclaimed wilderness can bring. Also, there are monsters that puke. … Continue reading The Burrowers (2008)
Yet another example of an awesome movie poster (if not also totally ridiculous) that doesn't actually represent what the movie is about in any way...well, outside of that costume. She really does wear that, except for whatever the weird armor shoulder pad and fur cape is. Also, there are no futuristic guns in this, folks … Continue reading Battle Queen 2020 (2001)
If you own a failing farm, and you find a secret room in your barn with a scarecrow stuffed away inside, and your kid then claims it's evil, do you put it up? Fuck no! You burn that bitch to the ground, salt the freaking earth, and move to the next God damn county, because … Continue reading Messengers 2: The Scarecrow (2009)
Unlike The Exterminator, Part II, this movie does have a sequel. However, Octopus and Octopus 2: River of Fear are radically different in nearly every aspect save for the fact that they both have a giant killer octopus. Oh, and water, but I figured that was a given. Aquatic New York Police Department master diver … Continue reading Octopus 2: River of Fear (2001)
I know this is supposed to be located somewhere in Mexico, but it was filmed in Australia, and that makes total sense. The plant life in Australia is terrifying. The insect life in Australia is terrifying. The animal life in Australia is terrifying. Seriously, it's an entire continent of beautiful beaches and ecological nightmares. So … Continue reading The Ruins (2008)
Hey look, it's Rear Window meets Boggy Creek! Abominable is the story of Preston Rogers, a paraplegic confined to a wheelchair after a terrible climbing accident that killed his wife. You know, like in Cliffhanger or something. Maybe you shouldn't have tried climbing something called Suicide Rock, but what do I know? I'm not big … Continue reading Abominable (2006)
