Canada has given us many fantastic things over the years: comedians, beer, embarrassing photographs of their prime ministers, hockey supremacists, more beer, the list goes on and on. And most of those things are good. But are they truly great? Well...yes, ok, Canada has given the United States some truly great stuff. Awesome job, guys. … Continue reading Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)
I didn't go to my Senior Prom. School dances were never really my thing, despite having been to several, and I didn't see much difference between a Homecoming versus a Prom. Why go to a place to grind, get drunk, and have awkward teenager sex under the watchful eye of an old guy nicknamed “Coach” … Continue reading Dance of the Dead (2008)
Yet another made-for-TV Sci Fi Channel original movie. With terrible scripts, low rent CG, and low budgets consisting of pocket change and a used gum wrapper, these movies are perhaps more famous for being rip offs of better movie than they are for the list of B-list, C-list, and God only knows what-list levels of … Continue reading Sabretooth (2002)
In the post-apocalyptic future, zombies roam the Earth, Japanese women are either scantily clad bad asses or barely able to function with seemingly no in-between state, and there is still plenty of blond hair dye to keep your style sense fresh. All because a corporate scientist really wanted to play God. Thanks, science! Aya is … Continue reading OneChanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers (2008)
Alien parasitic plagues in a grocery store? Why that could never happen in America! Except for, you know, COVID and all that. You know what, suddenly this movie is feeling like it thinks we're smarter than we are... In a small town in the middle of nowhere, a team of heavily armed criminals arrive at … Continue reading Alien Raiders (2008)
For some reason I spent years getting this movie confused with Lake Placid, so I kept wondering when the killer alligator would show up. No such luck, this is a ghost story, through and through. Lake Mungo is a mockumentary, though I have some trouble with that term. The term 'mockumentary' has always made me think of … Continue reading Lake Mungo (2008)
Hey folks, it's been a while. I took a break from here for a few months to allow myself to recharge. I know, you wanted your cheap and exploitative fix, and I wasn't here providing the sugar. I'm sorry. I was busy getting married. Anyway, I have a tradition every October of watching 31 horror … Continue reading Mulberry Street (2006)
Yeah, we're going with another Weird Western, this time a fusion of horror and cowboy cinema which points out the terrifying trouble with western expansion, not just in terms of the racism but also the after effects of the ecological devastation that mass migration into unclaimed wilderness can bring. Also, there are monsters that puke. … Continue reading The Burrowers (2008)
Yet another example of an awesome movie poster (if not also totally ridiculous) that doesn't actually represent what the movie is about in any way...well, outside of that costume. She really does wear that, except for whatever the weird armor shoulder pad and fur cape is. Also, there are no futuristic guns in this, folks … Continue reading Battle Queen 2020 (2001)
If you own a failing farm, and you find a secret room in your barn with a scarecrow stuffed away inside, and your kid then claims it's evil, do you put it up? Fuck no! You burn that bitch to the ground, salt the freaking earth, and move to the next God damn county, because … Continue reading Messengers 2: The Scarecrow (2009)
Movie Reviews by a Mook 