I can confirm that Tom Selleck's mustache is great no matter the year, no matter the genre. You can practically feel the machismo oozing off of his upper lip's grizzled fur baby. If you learn nothing else today, know that your face will never look as cool as his befollicled nasal undercarriage. And for that, … Continue reading Runaway (1984)
It's a 1980s movie with 1980s music set in 1950s style in which a surprisingly liberal army recruits women, the cops openly ask for bribes, and racism is still a thing. Also...leather overalls are a thing. This is what director Walter Hill dreamed about as a kid. He must have had an interesting childhood. Fantastic … Continue reading Streets of Fire (1984)
If you're hoping to actually see dinosaurs in this movie, then I have to apologize now. Dinosaur tracks? Yes. Dinosaur bones? Sure. But actual dinosaurs? God no. A paleontologist, his attractive daughter, and an American adventure seeker/archaeologist/two-fisted tough guy decide to make an illegal flight to the dinosaur valley, a protected area of the Amazon … Continue reading Massacre in Dinosaur Valley (1985)
Sometimes a wrong number can change your life. God help you when it does. Harry Washello is a nerdy trombone player in a big band that travels around the US. While doing a stopover for a show in Los Angeles, California, he meets the woman of his dreams: Julie Peters, a somewhat nerdy, spunky, intelligent … Continue reading Miracle Mile (1988)
Every time I hear the title of this film, I think of Evil Dead. I just can't help myself. It immediately turns into a chorus of “Dead by dawn, dead by dawn!” And then it turns into a chorus of bloody violence. Though now having seen it, that's no longer Evil Dead violence. Oh no, … Continue reading Deadbeat at Dawn (1988)
This time, the movie poster definitely captures some of what happens, like vehicle explosions. For a mix of hixploitation and revenge cinema set in the woods, there are a surprising number of cars and trucks that get blown up. Yet there is only one rainstorm and no lightning, so I feel a little let down. … Continue reading Blastfighter (1984)
I really have to hand it to the artist, that movie poster is so much better than the actual film. I mean, I think I can finger a detail or two in there which isn't in the film itself, but with so much going on, I bet you can put your thumb on it too. … Continue reading Demonoid (1981)
In the future, we'll still have carrots, tanks will be able to talk to us about baseball, and humanity will have collectively run out of good ideas for element names. Gunhed is a weird, messy movie, but it's one I highly enjoyed for all its quirks and bizarre problems. I should give some personal background … Continue reading Gunhed (1989)
We're back in made-for-tv land here, folks! However, this time it's not the likes of horror films like Killdozer or Gargoyles; instead, I'm bringing you into TV action movie territory with HBO's first film ever made for the small screen: The Park Is Mine. Starring a surprisingly talented cast and taking place in New York … Continue reading The Park Is Mine (1986)
No, I don't know why Shredder and the Terminator are hanging out back there in that poster. I also don't know why the USA was stylized as a pseudo-swastika. And Contra has nothing to do with this. Yeah, it's another bad ninja movie...which means it's a great ninja movie. Ninjas attack rent-a-cops and steal a … Continue reading Sakura Killers (1987)
