Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up. This movie is still in theaters. Do you feel comfortable with me talking about a movie that you could go see on the big screen right now? Because too bad, I'm doing it. Young couple Kyle and Tori Breyer have trouble conceiving in 2006, when all of a sudden, a … Continue reading Brightburn (2019)
That poster is surprisingly accurate. This movie isn't fun at all. Though there aren't any heads in bags. That would have made a much better film. As for this one, it's a slasher film that doesn't slash. The movie begins with Joan O'Keefe letting two orderlies ambush her husband, Malcolm, so they can take him … Continue reading Trick or Treats (1982)
Yeah, a Spaghetti Western. I know how much you guys love Spaghetti Westerns, which is to say, not at all. Too bad, this one is worth watching. It's got cannibalism, rape, blood, and violence. It's also got Lucio Fulci's name there on the poster. You owe it to yourself to watch it now. Stubby Preston … Continue reading Four of the Apocalypse (1975)
Back to recently released, high-budget B-movies that somehow got the A-movie treatment. It's a film about giant robots fighting giant monsters. What could possibly go wrong? Ten years after the last major battle of the first Pacific Rim movie, Jake Pentacost makes his living robbing stuff from busted Jaegers, giant mechs with double names that … Continue reading Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018)
Let's take a minute to go in a totally different direction, to Japan, so we can focus on a "vampire" movie that doesn't really feature vampires at all. Yet it's still so well done that it wouldn't have been out of place in the midst of Hammer's gothic horror work of the 1960s. Even if … Continue reading The Vampire Doll (1970)
Right now, you're probably asking why I'd bother reviewing something that made a ridiculous amount of money, featured a AAA budget, and got the major production treatment. It's simple: The Meg has a B-movie heart in an A-movie shell, it stars a variety of actors whose credits include the kind of things I'd happily put … Continue reading The Meg (2018)
There are at least two battle axes in this movie, but neither of them are ever used to kill anyone. This greatly annoys me. Laura Ramstead, an athletic star and graduating member of the track team at Midvale High, runs a race and then collapses and immediately dies as the crowd, her coach, and her … Continue reading Graduation Day (1981)
