Always remember, no matter how tough life can be, there isn't any kind of problem, big or small, that can't be helped by sending in a CIA hit team to kidnap someone's kid. Seriously, I use them to handle my grocery shopping. Major Vic Davis is a special forces super soldier and not the best … Continue reading The 2nd (2020)
Mel Brooks once told Jerry Seinfeld some years ago that he liked to eat dinner with Carl Reiner once a week and watch what he called “secure the perimeter movies,” meaning the kind of movies where at some point someone would utter the line “Secure the perimeter.” Two of the greatest comedic minds of all … Continue reading American Assassin (2017)
Right now, you're probably asking why I'd bother reviewing something that made a ridiculous amount of money, featured a AAA budget, and got the major production treatment. It's simple: The Meg has a B-movie heart in an A-movie shell, it stars a variety of actors whose credits include the kind of things I'd happily put … Continue reading The Meg (2018)
Let me just read you a few names from the cast list: Michael Fassbender, Charlotte Gainsbourg, J. K. Simmons, Toby Jones, Chloë Sevigny, James D'Arcy, and Val Kilmer. Sure, some of these folks have made some questionable movies, but to put it mildly, it's amazing that they're all a part of this massive train wreck … Continue reading The Snowman (2017)
If you read the title and immediately asked whether there is a cat in this giallo, I'm happy to inform you that yes, there is indeed a cat. Often times gialli have animals referenced in their titles but don't actually use them; that's not the case here. There's a cat walking around, and guess how … Continue reading Seven Deaths in the Cat’s Eye (1973)
I Bury the Living is such an amazing title for a movie. Seriously, take a moment and just bask in how awesome that title is. Now, imagine you had power over life and death. As in, you can decide who lives and dies, simply by performing some small action that was completely unintentional on your … Continue reading I Bury the Living (1958)
Actress Katt Shea lost a bet once, and her husband made her visit a strip club. Once she was there, she discovered that not only were the performers talented, they were both phenomenal dancers and artists putting on an erotic stage show, and she decided then and there that she was going to find a … Continue reading Stripped to Kill (1987)
Yeah, that title is unusual. Does it make you more or less interested in watching this late 1960s giallo? As awkward as it is, it does actually fit the plot. Italy, the late-1960s. Italians aren't eating enough chicken, so one clever agrarian who is a member of a consortium of the infamous chicken farming business … Continue reading Death Laid an Egg (1968)
Kevin Costner is in this movie as a main character, but he wasn't even listed in the credits. Seriously, he's completely left out. They remembered Ambulance Driver #1 but not him. Shadows Run Black is a "crime thriller" which is really just a slasher film that doesn't want to admit it's a slasher film. It's … Continue reading Shadows Run Black (1984)
I am an enormous fan of the bizarre and gory films of Lucio Fulci. To say his work is twisted is to seriously underrate just how strange and avant garde his films could be. They are often incoherent, with a dreamlike haze that quickly turns into nightmares. Unfortunately, 1991's Voices from Beyond was one of … Continue reading Voices from Beyond (1991)
