I didn't go to my Senior Prom. School dances were never really my thing, despite having been to several, and I didn't see much difference between a Homecoming versus a Prom. Why go to a place to grind, get drunk, and have awkward teenager sex under the watchful eye of an old guy nicknamed “Coach” … Continue reading Dance of the Dead (2008)
I love action movies with completely nonsensical, ridiculous plots that exist purely to put some completely miscast action star directly in the path of danger, possibly alongside an equally miscast comedian in a sidekick role. Lo and behold, here's exactly what I want in a film: Knock Off. Jean-Claude Van Damme is a member of … Continue reading Knock Off (1998)
Blue collar space movies are always a delight. Often times they're full of working class Joes who are highly skilled at what they do but are not always the brightest when it comes to whatever terrible situation they find themselves getting into. Alien is the high mark, but the misfits of Dark Star, the non-astronauts … Continue reading Space Truckers (1996)
I don't watch much in the way of romance movies. It's one of those genres I have a major blindspot for, like teen movies or dance movies not about break dancers in the 1980s. Hell, I've seen more episodes of Manimal than I have some of these genres, and there's only eight of those. Why … Continue reading Harold and Maude (1971)
Ever wonder what twisted thoughts lurk in the darkest corners of Canada? If you figured it included Saturday morning Sentai shows, troubling family dynamics, and aliens potentially questioning their sexuality, then you know a lot more about Canada than I do. And you'd also somehow be right, which just makes this weirder. After deftly crushing … Continue reading Psycho Goreman (2021)
I was never in a band growing up, but if I had been, I probably wouldn't have found a weird monster to drive me around in a van. But if I had, I definitely would have written a song about it. Uncle Peckerhead is the tale of one such band, joyfully named Duh, that does … Continue reading Uncle Peckerhead (2020)
I can sum this movie up in two words: vampire clowns. Ok, it's more than that, but ultimately, it's vampire clowns. Do you hate vampires that act a lot like zombies? Do you hate clowns? If you said 'Yes' to either of those questions, you probably won't like this movie. For the rest of us...do … Continue reading The Night Watchmen (2017)
Ladies and gentlemen, today is the first day of the 2019 Cannes Film Festival, so I thought I'd celebrate by talking about a very particular horror movie filmed guerrilla style around the festival. Is it exploitative? Yes? Is it sleazy? Hell yes. Am I pandering? Of course. You should have figured out by now that … Continue reading The Last Horror Film (1982)
A college student named Billy Batson dies in a traffic accident. His uncle's ghost shows up to take him to Heaven, but he's way more preoccupied with getting laid, so he tries to go back to wooing the lady he couldn't make it with. Hijinks ensue. That's the movie, folks. It's over, go home. If … Continue reading School Spirit (1985)
While watching Ghoulies IV, I had a mental breakthrough: I believe I hate myself. Ghoulies IV is not a good movie. It's not even a good Ghoulies movie, and that's an incredibly low bar. The budget on this was so tiny, they couldn't even afford to bring back the Ghoulies puppets from previous films; the … Continue reading Ghoulies IV (1994)
Movie Reviews by a Mook 