Let's be honest. If you looked that good sitting on a motorcycle while wearing shades with a bunch of Japanese signs behind you, you'd probably pose like this too. Michael Douglas knows. Shoot, he's probably somewhere doing this right now. Damn right, he is. Nick Conklin is a New York City cop on the edge. … Continue reading Black Rain (1989)
This was supposed to be a porno, but somewhere along the way, the director decided it should become a straight up horror movie. Yet the scariest thing about it is that the 1970s were full of bad taste. I'd rather it had stayed porn. A cult worshiping a doctor who might somehow be related to … Continue reading Legacy of Satan (1974)
If you own a failing farm, and you find a secret room in your barn with a scarecrow stuffed away inside, and your kid then claims it's evil, do you put it up? Fuck no! You burn that bitch to the ground, salt the freaking earth, and move to the next God damn county, because … Continue reading Messengers 2: The Scarecrow (2009)
Yep, it's a movie about beautiful, scantily-clad women stuck behind bars in a place run by sadists and supplied by two horny dudes who really need to find a better line of work. Not for their sake, for the prisoners. Collier is thrown into a prison in an unnamed tropical country for murder, where she … Continue reading The Big Doll House (1971)
There are more guns on that poster than there are in the movie. Also, most of the characters don't dress like that, though the hair is actually pretty accurate. The boots are way off though. In general, that poster conveys a lot more action than actually happens in Vicious Lips. A futuristic New Wave generic … Continue reading Vicious Lips (1986)
I can sum this movie up in two words: vampire clowns. Ok, it's more than that, but ultimately, it's vampire clowns. Do you hate vampires that act a lot like zombies? Do you hate clowns? If you said 'Yes' to either of those questions, you probably won't like this movie. For the rest of us...do … Continue reading The Night Watchmen (2017)
Let me just read you a few names from the cast list: Michael Fassbender, Charlotte Gainsbourg, J. K. Simmons, Toby Jones, Chloë Sevigny, James D'Arcy, and Val Kilmer. Sure, some of these folks have made some questionable movies, but to put it mildly, it's amazing that they're all a part of this massive train wreck … Continue reading The Snowman (2017)
If you read the title and immediately asked whether there is a cat in this giallo, I'm happy to inform you that yes, there is indeed a cat. Often times gialli have animals referenced in their titles but don't actually use them; that's not the case here. There's a cat walking around, and guess how … Continue reading Seven Deaths in the Cat’s Eye (1973)
This is the 1988 film with Linda Blair, not the 2009 Japanese torture-porn splatter flick, you sickos. Though admittedly this movie is so bizarre that a straight forward splatter flick would actually be rather refreshing. Linda Blair and her friend head up to the mountains to visit Blair's parents and to help her friend get … Continue reading Grotesque (1988)
Westerns don't get a lot of love these days, and weird westerns, which combine elements of fantasy, science fiction, or horror with the western setting, have almost always been a rare thing in cinema. That's not to say they don't exist, just that there are relatively few of them. Even fewer are worth watching. If … Continue reading Bone Tomahawk (2015)
Movie Reviews by a Mook 