Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College (1991)

Hey, two college horror movies back to back. Now how do you like that? It’s weird how themes come up sometimes. They’re also both terrible, which doesn’t really make things any better.

I can tell you right now, the title of this movie pretty much tells you what to expect, first in that the premise is that the Ghoulies do go to college, and second in that yes, the movie really is that dumb.

Frat guys involved in a prank war during Prank Week find a mystical comic book that summons Ghoulies from a sacred dirty toilet in their frat house, but the dean gets his hands on it and then summons the little demons. Only now the Ghoulies decide they also want to play pranks, drink a lot of beer, and go on a panty raid. It’s pretty much Animal House and Revenge of the Nerds, only with little demons instead of, you know, people. Kevin McCarthy stars as the evil dean, while Patrick Labyorteaux is the leader of the good guy frat who must thwart the opposing fraternity, outwit the school security guard, and win back the affection of his ex-girlfriend. Meanwhile people get killed with toilets and plungers.

Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College is funny, but not because of the jokes in it. It’s funny because of just how bad it all gets. This movie is painfully stupid at times, made only worse by the Ghoulies now being able to talk. Most of their lines involve cheap knock offs of old Three Stooges-type slapstick, stereotypical college humor, and dick and fart jokes. It’s cheap, at times it’s sleazy, and yet it’s so terrible you can’t help but shake your head and chuckle that someone would have the audacity to make it.

A woman gets strangled with her own tongue at one point. There’s a weird sex scene involving workout equipment and a nymphomaniacal sorority sister…which I admit that I’m not opposed to. Hey, I am but a man. There is so much toilet humor that I’m starting to really wish that one promo image had never been made for the first film. And yes, there is a weird, demonic and dirty toilet that frat guys crap in while reading satanic comic books. What the hell?

Actually, that recurring toilet thing is a pretty apt description of the Ghoulies franchise. Most of these films aren’t worthy of wiping your ass with. How anyone convinced Kevin McCarthy to do this, I don’t know. I hope he was paid very well. Also, fun fact: this was Matthew Lillard’s first film. Somehow I find that oddly fitting.

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