Jack Frost (1997)

A serial killer named Jack Frost is captured accidentally by a small town sheriff. He swears revenge before being sent off to be executed, but a tragic traffic accident results in his being exposed to a chemical which causes his body to meld with snow. As a result, he becomes a killer snowman, and he uses his new body to come back to the sheriff’s little town of Snowmonton to seek his revenge, either by shooting icicles, melting and reforming at will, or even raping one poor girl to death. Yes, that actually happens. No, it isn’t funny, particularly not with the pun that goes with it about Christmas coming early. Stop chuckling.

Think of every stereotypical bad joke you possibly can regarding Christmas or winter, and you’ve got a pretty good idea of what Jack Frost is like. He has a one liner for everything. For instance in one scene after killing a man with an axe, “I only axed you for a smoke.” In another he makes a joke about eating yellow snow. Or he impersonates Santa. Or he states lines like “Look Mom, I’m a Picasso” as he reforms his body. It gets more than a little tiring after a while. This is like Big Bad Wolf territory of bad one liners.

And then there is the “Shannon Elizabeth gets raped by a snowman” scene. But beyond the distasteful “Shannon Elizabeth gets raped by a snowman” scene (and yes, we’re gonna repeatedly call it out), there are a lot of unusual deaths in this film. He eats one guy with icicle teeth. Another kid gets knocked over and decapitated by an oncoming sled. In one instance he steals a car and runs over a sheriff’s deputy. Some of the kills are holiday themed, like the lady he strangles with Christmas lights and then smashes her face into ornaments. Others, like the ax guy…not so much.

I can see why it’s considered a horror comedy, because it’s obviously not taking itself too seriously, but I’m curious if Jack Frost was meant to make fun of the entire slasher genre, because it certainly feels like it. I kept thinking, “This is stupid,” and then thinking about how it relates to slashers as a whole. It does circumvent a lot of the usual slasher rules at least, with your ‘final girl’ actually being a middle-aged male sheriff with a dumb ass kid and good neighbors. If there is a moral of the story, it’s that keeping your nose clean and being a good friend in a small town is probably your best bet for survival, as most of the folks who get killed are the assholes. Also never eat anything your kid makes, but that seems more like common sense.

Ultimately, you’ve got to ask yourself if you legitimately want to watch a movie about a snowman who kills people. If you are comfortable accepting this, then you can move on to the likes of The Gingerdead Man series. If instead this sounds stupid, why on Earth are you actually reading my blog? I’d have figured you would know by now that this website is full of cinematic misery and dirt.

Oh, and yes, I used to go into video stores and switch this DVD with that of the 1998 Michael Keaton children’s film of the same name. Yes, I’m a bad person. You’re welcome, America.

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