Carnosaur 2 (1995)

Yeah, I did it. I returned to Carnosaur. So what?

What happens if you combine Jurassic Park with Aliens but use no budget and make it the sequel to a bad movie? You get Carnosaur 2! That’s right, it’s basically a remake of Aliens but with dinosaurs and no money. There’s the threat of nuclear annihilation, the chopper pilot gets killed from behind by a critter in her aircraft, nobody knows what is going on…heck, the scummy government guy even dresses in the same flannel and vest combo that the corporate douche from Weyland-Yutani wore! And he dies just like the crappy officer! You always were an asshole, Gorman. But like I said, no budget. That means really bad dinosaur models, stolen sound effects, and even stock footage from the previous Carnosaur film used during the big battle against the Tyrannosaur in the end! Joy!

The setup is simple: a nuclear waste repository has computer problems and suddenly gets wiped out. For some reason the government decides to send in a mercenary crew of civilian maintenance workers to fix things, because that makes sense. Once they arrive, they discover a lone surviving kid who has shock and doesn’t want to speak for half the movie. After that, craptacular dinosaurs show up and successfully kill the black guy first. From then on, the maintenance workers and their federal stooge must use explosives and dynamite to fight the deadly dinos as they disarm the nuclear weapons being stored in the facility and try to escape to the surface. Except that the dinosaurs are intelligent and disable their traps! God, I’m practically rolling in the references to Aliens here.

It’s still better than the first one though…which admittedly isn’t hard to do. Video footage of a raccoon defecating in a bucket makes for a more compelling movie than the original. I don’t recommend the Carnosaur series to anybody unless you feel like hate-laughing at something.

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