Big Bad Wolf (2006)

Oh man, it’s a werewolf with a ‘tude!

…yeah, I’m sorry, I won’t say anything like that again. That was just bad.

Anyway, Big Bad Wolf is a werewolf movie, if you couldn’t tell. A bunch of young college students head out to a cabin. We’ve got your stereotypical Frat Brother #267 and Frat Brother #317 along with Co-eds #112 and #214 and the two leads: a cowardly guy pledging the frat and his tough girl biker friend. Ten minutes in, and I’m already bored of the tired old tropes. Even a Clint Howard cameo as the Harbinger of Doom isn’t helping me out. And then we actually get to the cabin.

And then Frat Bro #317 reveals he’s actually into cuckolding, and I’m shocked that we actually have character development. Before it gets anywhere, boom, the werewolf shows up. And he talks. And he’s got jokes! Bad ones too. And then I watch the werewolf rape Co-ed #112 who wouldn’t give it up to Frat Bro #267, and then that guy gets his balls torn off along with more bad jokes by the werewolf, and I am honestly wondering what the fuck I’m watching. It’s like 25 minutes in, just about everybody is dead, and this turns into a whole different movie.

This movie is about an abusive stepdad who is also a werewolf. Yeah, that’s the plot. Cowardly guy and tough girl investigate, cowardly guy discovers the werewolf killed his real dad, tough girl blows the werewolf in one scene and gets a DNA sample, and I learned that smart phones and texting are the way of the future. But the werewolf figures out what’s going on, murders his stepson’s uncle, and then kidnaps the tough girl. Also a bunch of teenage reporters show up to show more boobs, imply another werewolf rape scene, and get killed. Again with bad jokes.

Sometimes I sit alone in my room at night, and I cry. I cry because I somehow manage to sit through movies like this in their entirety. Do you know how they manage to beat the werewolf? Silver steak knives duct taped to arrows and a grease fire. Yeah, we even get a scene with the toasted werewolf attacking the heroes in a final hurrah.

I believe this movie was meant to be a comedy based on the jokes, but man, they’re wretched. Also, the repeated werewolf rape is not exactly what I’d consider high art. That said, the movie does take an unusual twist on the typical teenage slasher, even while hitting some of the usual beats of your average werewolf investigation film. At least I’m pretty sure this movie knows exactly what it is and calls out some of its characters’ stupidity.