Splatter University (1984)

Slasher films often get a bad rap for being misogynist and uninventive. Splatter University will do nothing to change that opinion.

Here’s the plot: a mental patient breaks out of an asylum. A couple of years later, a teacher gets murdered. The next semester, more murders happen. It’s up to the new teacher to figure out what’s going on. In the meantime, priests are perverts, college boys are drunken sex maniacs, and the head of the school is in a wheelchair. If you haven’t yet figured out who the killer is, you should watch more crappy slasher films.

I suppose I shouldn’t be too harsh, as apparently the crew were told they’d have two weeks to make the film and then showed up on site to find out they had one…and had to put in a bunch of scenes with teenagers for no reason. That said, once all the guys started spraying themselves with Budweiser, complaining about which ladies didn’t immediately put out on the basis of what I guess were intended to be flirtatious insults, and in general being douche bags, I felt my sympathy slip away. Instead, I sympathized with the poor women who had to put up with them and who were also getting gutted, because of course the killer is going after the “terrible” women!

There is some issue with the release date too. The original film was shot in 1981, but the additional footage was filmed in 1982. By the time Troma was able to release it, it was 1984. I kinda wish they’d just kept the original 65 minute version from 1981, because the added footage was apparently mostly the students that I despise so much.

There’s something to be said about minuscule budgets and getting the job done though. Apparently one of the actors didn’t show, so the director plays a character in the film. I will give him credit for the show going on. The crew even had to clean up all the fake blood while students were coming back into class. This movie does have a fair bit of blood in it, so if that’s your bag, go for it. It’s way bloodier than Final Exam, that’s for sure.

Oh, and this movie has a scene with jukebox that features some of the worst dancing I’ve ever seen. I don’t know what the guy is doing, I just…don’t…know…

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