R.O.T.O.R. (1987)

I have to get something off my chest: I HATE THIS MOVIE! Like A*P*E, this movie was a failure on every level. But this movie didn’t even have the good grace to show me a man in a monkey suit giving me the finger.

Everything about this film is bad: the acting, the narrating, the sound work, the cinematography, the script, the editing, the special effects, everything. Characters are obviously dubbed over, and their voices are bland and emotionless. They go off on tired monologues about the philosophical questions concerning their building a killer robot or try to threaten each other with more forced anger than a bad wrestling plot. There are fake teeth and bad Texas accents galore. There is shoddy choreography and weird caricatures and stereotypes that come off as openly offensive. When your best character is a talking robot, and he’s the shitty comic relief character, you’re in trouble.

R.O.T.O.R. wants to be a good movie, like the ones it cribs from. A researcher working for the police on a project involving metal that learns decides it is a good idea to build a robot version of Judge Dredd. Unfortunately it gets turned on way too early. Like forty years too early. And since its brain isn’t done, it sees a couple speeding on a back road and decides it must kill everything that gets in its way as it tries to execute its sentencing…which is an execution. Yes, it’s The Terminator/RoboCop/Maniac Cop all in one, only nowhere near half as entertaining as any of those movies (and lets face it, Maniac Cop is the weak link there). R.O.T.O.R. rips from such great killer robot/killer cop movies!

Instead of that greatness, we get a killer robot cop with a porn mustache who has badly dubbed lines and can somehow see the past five minutes of any location yet can’t take the sound of a car horn or loud noises…sometimes. And then his creator, Captain J.B. Coldyron, has to team up with the scientist who developed the learning metal, Dr. C.R. Steele, to take it down. God, the names alone! Mokie Killion? Seriously? Fuck this movie!

I wish this film was as good as the movie poster. Why is it that I often see the more awesome the movie poster, the worse the film? Yes, the killer cop drives a motorcycle, wears a black uniform and helmet, and wields a Desert Eagle. That is a big ass pistol, for those of you who don’t know. But he looks like a sleazy porn star, not an awesome killing machine. Johnny 5 is more bad ass than this piece of junk!

It’s not the worst film I’ve ever seen…but it’s really close.  Like within a hair’s breadth close.


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