A*P*E (1976)

Everything you need to know about this movie can be summed up in the following picture:

A*P*E is a King Kong mockbuster that came out of South Korea around the same time as the Dino De Laurentiis King Kong remake from the 1970s. In fact, the film takes a couple of knocks at the remake (such as a director in the movie named Dino) along with other popular 1970s films (in the opening scene, the giant ape fights a great white shark. Thanks, Jaws, I will never get that pathetic image out of my head). Everything about this film is amateurish: the awful acting, the awful soundtrack, the awful editing, the awful shot framing, everything! Half the time the extras are grinning as they run in “fear.” You can see the camera in the background, or see the zipper and openings in the ape suit, or even thrill at the sight of a “giant” gorilla stepping carefully over a plastic cow toy to convey size.

I did learn some important facts from this film though:

Korean buildings are made of cardboard and sound like paper crinkling when you smash them.
Koreans cannot see a 36-foot gorilla in an open field.
I hate 3D.
Korean actors know exactly how to fight a 36-foot gorilla.
Bolt-action rifles fire several times without rechambering.
I hate 3D.
Long Life is a great brand of Chinese cigarette.
Gorillas disco dance when being shot.
Korean screaming sounds like a loop of three people screaming over and over again…but most Koreans do not scream ever.
I hate 3D.
Disneyland will kill us all.
Puppets are creepy.
South Korea is rife with abandoned theme parks used as playgrounds for schoolchildren.
And I really hate 3D.

I also really hate this movie…but would happily watch it again while drunk with friends. One day I will track down The Mighty Peking Man and see how it compares.