Equalizer 2000 (1987)

I love ridiculous movie poster guns, but that one is actually pretty accurate to the gun in this movie.

Richard Norton and the jaw-dropping Corinne Wahl(now Alphen) star in this post-apocalyptic Mad Max 2-knock off set in the desert wasteland of Alaska in the future. Much of Alaska is ruled by the evil fascist group The Ownership, of which Richard Norton’s character is a member. But then an ambitious Ownership officer murders his father and then tries to kill him. So what’s a guy to do? Defect, help a hot babe fight off guys dressed like Civil War soldiers(one of whom is a young Robert Patrick), and build a super weapon M-16 that apparently has multiple grenade launchers and shotgun barrels added to it because you can!

Did I mention this was filmed in the Philippines? Yeah, that’s gonna be important later.

Anyway, so Richard Norton makes a super weapon with the help of some guys that are really terrible actors and then decides to get revenge on the evil Ownership. But the Ownership finds out about the gun, so the evil officer goes after Norton and ends up taking it(while Robert Patrick totally dies). The evil officer then assassinates the leader of the Ownership and takes over. But that’s ok, because Richard Norton gets a sex scene with a Penthouse Pet and then helps the disparate rebels attack the Ownership. And then the generic Native American/Eskimos show up to help them.

You remember how I said this was filmed in the Philippines? Well, all the Native American/Eskimos are played by Filipinos, with added war paint and dubbed-over totally-not-racist Indian whooping sounds!

In the end Richard Norton kills the evil officer and ends the Ownership…though only after totally-here-for-sex-appeal Corinne Wahl is totally murdered in a spray of blood involving what I think were supposed to be squibs but actually acted more like water hoses of red Kool-Aid. And then Richard Norton steps outside and smashes his gun, and all the Filipino Native American/Eskimos give up their spears and bows and arrows, and a couple of other guys chuck their rifles on a campfire. Then Richard Norton drives away.

Pray he’s still out there. Pray he’s…wait, I think I saw these same cars in Wheels of Fire, another other Mad Max 2 rip-off movie.

Before I leave you though, I do have one important note: Richard Norton did eventually appear in a proper Mad Max movie, as a stunt performer, the fight coordinator, and as an actor.  He was also in the amazing Gymkata.

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